5:00 PM: Saturday night respite mode activated. Remove daytime garb of black polo shirt, jeans, aviator sunglasses, and Jeff Bezos nametag. Don evening garb of silk pajamas, genuine black rhino hide slippers, lime green shutter shades, and Jeff “The Emperor” Bezos nametag.

5:00 PM：星期六晚上暂息模式已激活。 删除黑色polo衫，牛仔裤，飞行员太阳镜和Jeff Bezos名牌的白天服装。 唐晚装的丝绸睡衣，纯正的黑犀牛皮拖鞋，柠檬绿百叶窗帘和杰夫“皇帝”贝佐斯的名签。

5:02–5:02.03 PM: Drop down through walk-in closet floor hatch, landing in Saturday Night Fever disco pose in the Affirmation Chamber.

5：02–5：02.03 PM：进入步入式衣橱地板舱口，降落在“确认房”中的“星期六晚上”发烧迪斯科姿势。

5:02.03–5:03.50 PM: Slide in front of floor-to-ceiling mirror and scream the Evening Affirmation: “My thirst is unquenchable. I am the economy. I will never die.”

5：02.03–5：03.50 PM：在落地镜前滑动并大喊“晚上确认”：“我的渴求是坚定的。 我的经济。 我永远不会死。”

5:03.50–5:05 PM: Punch floor-to-ceiling mirror, shattering it into a million pieces. Pinch bridge of nose and take a few deep breaths.

5：03.50–5：05 PM ：从地板到天花板的镜子打Kong，将其破碎成一百万个。 捏鼻梁，深呼吸几次。

5:05–5:05.10 PM: Drop down through the Affirmation Chamber floor hatch, landing in the Virtual Reality Room.

5：05–5：05.10 PM：沿着确认室地板的舱口下降，降落在虚拟现实室中。

5:05.10–5:05.40 PM: Don VR headset. Command, “Alexa, activate ‘J.B. Fantasies.’”

5：05.10–5：05.40 PM： Don VR耳机。 命令，“ Alexa，激活“ JB幻想”。”

5:05.40–5:15 PM: First VR scenario launched. A steady stream of Amazon warehouse workers cycle by, asking for humble $2 raises to feed their families. Each time a raise is requested, pause and feign thoughtful consideration. Then, after executing a 360-degree spin on one foot, exclaim in a sing-song voice whilst doing jazz hands, “Nooooope!” Repeat 86 times.

5：05.40–5：15 PM：第一个VR场景启动。 亚马逊仓库工人源源不断地循环，要求微不足道的2美元加薪来养家糊口。 每次要求加薪时，都要暂停并假装考虑周到。 然后，在一只脚执行360度旋转之后，一边弹爵士手，一边用歌声大声喊叫“ Nooooope！”。 重复86次。

5:15–5:35 PM: Second VR scenario launched. Bird’s eye view of Seattle. The air is thick with Amazon delivery drones. Every plane in the sky is branded with Amazon Air. The city is surrounded by 10G LTE Amazon cell towers. Over 90% of the population sports an Amazon nametag. The Starbucks logo has been replaced with the Amazon smile and now reads “Starbezos.” Grip VR headset and simply observe this beatific vision of perfection for twenty minutes.

下午5：15–5：35：启动了第二个VR场景。 西雅图鸟瞰图。 亚马逊的送货无人机弥漫着空气。 天空中的每架飞机都贴有Amazon Air品牌。 这个城市被10G LTE亚马逊蜂窝塔包围。 超过90％的人口都使用亚马逊商标。 星巴克徽标已被亚马逊的微笑取代，现在显示为“ Starbezos”。 握住VR耳机，只需二十分钟即可观察到这种完美的美好愿景。

5:35–5:45 PM: Third VR scenario launched. Mike Bezos sits in an audience, clapping. “I’m proud of you, son,” says the man. “I’m so proud of you.” Remove headset, shaking. As single tear rolls down cheek, whisper: “Alexa… off.”

下午5：35–5：45：启动了第三个VR场景。 迈克·贝索斯(Mike Bezos)坐在观众席中鼓掌。 “儿子，我为你感到骄傲。”那人说。 “我很为你骄傲。” 取下耳机，摇晃。 当一滴眼泪从脸颊滑落时，小声说道：“ Alexa…走开。”

5:45–5:45.10 PM: Drop down through the Virtual Reality Room floor hatch, landing in Fighter Stance in the Home Gym.

5：45–5：45.10 PM：从虚拟现实室的地板舱口下降，降落在家庭健身室的Fighter Stance中。

5:45.10–5:45.20 PM: Command, “Alexa, play ‘Workout Vibes.’”

5：45.10–5：45.20 PM：指挥官，“ Alexa，播放“锻炼共鸣 ”。”

5:45.20–6:47 PM: Sigh with pleasure as satanic German death metal booms from surround sound system. Strip naked, except for shutter shades. Stand with back turned to full-length mirror. Flex left butt cheek, then right butt cheek. Do this for one hour.

5：45.20–6：47 PM：震撼的德国死亡金属从环绕声系统中发出轰动，令人叹为观止 。 除快门阴影外，将其裸露。 站立，背对着全身镜。 弯曲左臀部脸颊，然后弯曲右臀部脸颊。 这样做一小时。

6:47–6:47.10 PM: Drop down through home gym floor hatch, landing in massive tank teeming with saltwater crocodiles.

6：47–6：47.10 PM：穿过家庭健身房的地板舱口下降，降落在盛有盐水鳄鱼的巨大水箱中。

6:47.10–7:00 PM: Smirk with satisfaction as the crocodiles, sensing the presence of an alpha, cower in fear. Begin spinning underwater — slowly at first, but then so fast that a whirlpool begins to form; a whirlpool so strong that the crocodiles are swept up in its pull. Smile deviously from center of saltwater crocodile whirlpool for exactly thirteen minutes. Require no breath.

6：47.10–7：00 PM：满意地傻笑为鳄鱼，感觉到阿尔法的存在，在恐惧中畏缩。 开始在水下旋转-起初缓慢，但随后又如此之快以至于形成漩涡。 漩涡如此强烈，以至于鳄鱼被拉动了。 从咸水鳄鱼漩涡中心露出微笑，恰好十三分钟。 不需要呼吸。

7:00–7:02 PM: Eject self from tank. Dry off. Remain naked. (Except for shutter shades.)

7：00–7：02 PM：从水箱中弹出自己。 擦干。 保持裸体。 (除了快门阴影。)

7:02–7:02.30 PM: Dinner time. Consume one raw, bloodied lamb haunch and one jug of Amazonian warehouse workers’ tears in thirty seconds flat.

7：02–7：02.30 PM：晚餐时间。 三十秒钟后，食用一根生血的羔羊腰肉和一罐亚马逊仓库工人的眼泪。

7:02.30–7:04.30 PM: Release single, two-minute-long burp.

7：02.30–7：04.30 PM：释放一次，两分钟长的打p声 。

7:04.30–7:04.40 PM: Drop down through dining room floor hatch, landing in Yogi pose on velvet pouf.

7：04.30–7：04.40 PM：从餐厅地板的舱口掉下来，以瑜伽垫的姿势降落在天鹅绒坐垫上。

7:04.40–7:05 PM: Command, “Alexa, activate guided meditation session.”

7：04.40–7：05 PM：命令，“ Alexa，激活引导的冥想会话。”

7:05–7:50 PM: Begin guided meditation. Feel wave after wave of unadulterated calm course through body as Alexa repeats “Customer satisfaction over workers’ rights, betch” for 45 minutes straight.

7：05–7：50 PM：开始进行冥想。 Alexa连续45分钟重复了“客户对工人权利的满意，取而代之”的感觉，一遍又一遍的纯洁平静的身体经过。

7:50–7:50.30 PM: Take high-speed elevator up to master bedroom.

7：50–7：50.30 PM：乘坐高速电梯到达主卧室。

7:50.30–8:00 PM: Lie down on California king and pull out phone. Record new voicemail message: “You’ve reached Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the known universe. I make six figures every minute. I have no interest in what you have to say. Do not leave me a message. Goodbye.”

7：50.30–8：00 PM：躺下加利福尼亚国王，拿出电话。 记录新的语音邮件消息：“您已经联系了已知宇宙中首富杰夫·贝佐斯(Jeff Bezos)。 我每分钟赚六位数。 我对你要说的没兴趣。 不要给我留言。 再见。”

8:00–8:00.30 PM: Open Voice Memos app. Record, “Prime Original idea: Amazon reboot of The Lord of the Rings except I play all the hot characters.”

晚上8：00–8：00.30：打开“语音备忘录”应用。 记录“ Prime最初的想法：除了我扮演所有热门角色外，Amazon重新启动了《 指环王 》。”

8:00.30–8:07 PM: Refresh Amazon stock on the NASDAQ. Shriek in unadulterated exultation. Print out web page. Shred it. Snort it.

8：00.30–8：07 PM： 刷新纳斯达克的亚马逊股票。 狂喜地尖叫。 打印出网页。 切碎。 ort一下

8:07–8:07.20 PM: Jesus Christ. What a rush. Scream, “Alexa, play ‘Dance (A$$)’ by Big Sean and Nicki Minaj.”

8：07–8：07.20 PM：耶稣基督。 太着急了。 尖叫，“ Alexa，扮演Big Sean和Nicki Minaj的'Dance(A $$)'。”

8:07.20–8:59 PM: Perform stiff, robotic twerk for 52 minutes. While twerking, fire every Amazon worker who has ever mentioned the word “union” in a text, call, or internet search.

8：07.20–8：59 PM：僵硬的机器人扭蛋52分钟。 翻腾时，请解雇所有在文本，电话或互联网搜索中提到“工会”一词的亚马逊员工。

9:00 PM: Slumber mode activated. Fall asleep immediately, with eyes wide open and one hand wrapped tightly around an etch-a-sketch knob, writing, erasing, and rewriting the word “trillions” over, and over, and over again.

9:00 PM：激活睡眠模式。 立即睁开眼睛睡着，一只手紧紧地缠绕在一个素描手柄上，一遍又一遍地反复书写，擦除和重写“万亿”一词。

For an exclusive look at Jeff’s Saturday morning routine, check out the prequel:

有关杰夫周六早上的例行活动的独家报道，请查看前传：

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